i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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