I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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