its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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