he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
