Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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