I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I puked a lego.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
