Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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