So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
