I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
