Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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