i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
