They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
