At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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