i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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