I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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