isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
