I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The feeling are messing with the penis
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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