i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
