I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
