She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
