Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
