Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
