Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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