she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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