Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
