my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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