I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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