You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
