If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
