I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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