you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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