TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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