I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
