Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
