I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
