hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
