so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
