the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
