You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
