Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
