Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
