he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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