a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
