Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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