I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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