He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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