It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
