went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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