i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm like, not good at living.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
