I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
