I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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