he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
