There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
