it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
