Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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