she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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