The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
