Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
