I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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