stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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