So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
