if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
