Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was born a porn star she said
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
