How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize