How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
