"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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