Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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