hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
