if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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