I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
