Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
