I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
