I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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