I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
